There Is A Season, Turn, Turn, Turn…
There seem to be a lot of people whose moods are impacted by seasonal changes. Most are impacted by the shorter days of winter, and of those impacted, most get depressed. I’m different, I’m impacted in the late summer into fall, and mine isn’t only depression.
For several years I would go to our family physician and get an anti-depressant this time of year. I wasn’t as self-aware, and was recognizing my symptoms only as depression. Today I recognize there’s as much mania as depression, often cycling several times a day. But I would end up discontinuing it every year in a full-blown mania. At the time I thought it was evil medication causing the mania, and it was, but because of the bipolar disorder. If it was unipolar depression I’d have most likely been OK.
This year I’m worried, it’s approaching the 2nd anniversary of my son Ryan’s death, and the potential for something I can’t handle is a real danger. Frankly, I don’t remember last year, it was a blur of grief and mood swings. I’m still grieving, the signs are there. I may always be grieving, I don’t think I’ll ever make it through all the stages.
I’m holding on tight, it may be a hell of a ride.
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